I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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