I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
