so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
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this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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