I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
