You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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