Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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