Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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