hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
