Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
