Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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