dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
