Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
