this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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