Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
