dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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