Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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