dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Randomize
