ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
only you would photoshop your dick
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
