I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
