May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Apparently you make a good broom.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
