yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
