then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
