apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
