That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
