Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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