the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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