That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
