The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
