"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
