I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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