thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
