I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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