so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
