My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
