I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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