Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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