I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
