You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
