Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
