I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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