It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
