I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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