My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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