you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
