So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
