wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
