The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
