Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
