apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
