Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
