She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
