Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
