he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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