chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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