Can i not drive my cunt home
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
sex in a hospital.. check
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
