i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
