I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
