We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
bring money and cleavage
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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