so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
