Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
