I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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