i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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